So...
Since my surgery on the 14th November 2013 it has healed up quite nicely and the scars are barely there but still noticeable, it did work, though unfortunately I'm still unable to conceive unassisted and after now nearly four months of countless doctor appointments and trying to fall pregnant with my fiance Jason. My gynaecologist has put my on some medication called Clomid, which is meant to help me ovulate and has a very high success rate on woman who still have eggs but can't release them.
I have never in my life wanted my period so badly before seeming you have to start taking the pills on the second day of menstruation to the 6th day. So on the 27th February 2014 when my doctor gave me these pills, till today, I have been so excited to get my girlie's and that is very strange for me because my pains are bloody terrible and I'm either suck on the couch for the the duration of the time, missing work and not being able to be social in anyway without screaming at someone for no apparent reason other than extreme pain and frustration. *sad face*
So I'm just hoping this all works! It pains me to see so many unwanted pregnancies, abortions and young mothers with no care for the that little miracle inside them. Or, the mothers and fathers that mentally and/or physically even worse, sexually abuse their children! It sickens me how they have the ability to have a child and yet amazing women and men can not be blessed with the chance of having a child of their own or just simply, How people like me have so much trouble.
I just don't understand it all.
But anyway back to my point, Here's a little back story....
Having been told that I have
-Polycystic ovarian syndrome,
- Cysts on my ovaries bigger than my ovaries,
- Severe endometriosis,
- A retroverted uterus,
- Being told its going to be a long hard road to get the chance to carry my own child and most likely be impossible unassisted, (meaning IVF treatment)
- And that I have a 1st degree prolapsed uterus and if I do fall pregnant I can Never give birth naturally because my muscles that hold my uterus in place will tear completely off and it will end up being an extremely dangerous and expensive surgery which may result in a hysterectomy and even the loss of my child.
Just to make matters a little worse I have been told something else just as equally harsh and a major shock to the system, My doctor said to me,
"You haven't ovulated in over 5 years as far as I can tell Zoe"
I was so shocked I could barely breath all I could think was that I can never have the family I have been dreaming of since I was a little girl and OMG Jason is going to want to leave me cause I can't give him the family he has always wanted. Which went through my head at what felt quicker than turning a light on and as painful as being stabbed in the heart. I was devastated!
I finally said to my doctor,
"So what does this mean? Can I have kids or not? Are my eggs even in existence??"
And at this point I am so confused and so upset, that the tears start to fall,
And he said,
"Your eggs do exist Zoe, Come in and see me ASAP to get this sorted"
So feeling torn but a little happy to know I wasn't completely broken I booked the appointment on 27th Feb and he gave me the pills and as I said before I am so excited to see if they work, but I am trying my hardest to not get my hopes up and think that I will be pregnant within the first couple of months but just to have positive thoughts going through my head finally is just so amazing that I decided to share my story as painfully harsh that my story may be, But i feel as if i need to get it all out of my head even if no one will read this.
So fingers crossed on what I hope will be the journey of mine and Jason's Pregnancy....
❤
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